OK so this happens sometimes with terrible onboarding…

Let me paint you a picture. New developer, super talented, starts Monday. Company’s like “here’s your laptop, here’s the codebase, good luck!” and basically throws them into the deep end. Three weeks later? Still asking basic questions, looking lost in meetings, and you can tell they’re questioning their life choices.

That’s when this whole proper onboarding thing started making sense, and wow… most companies are doing literally everything wrong.

1. The “Day Zero” thing actually works

So apparently companies are supposed to start onboarding BEFORE people even show up. Mind blown, right?

Here’s what actually works:

Someone shoots them a casual message the week before: “Hey! Super excited for Monday. Any preferences for your setup? Mac or PC?”
They assign a buddy (that senior dev who’s amazing at explaining things without making people feel stupid)
Actually think about what their first week should look like

The difference is night and day. They walk in already feeling welcomed instead of like a deer in headlights.

2. Week One: Don’t dump everything at once

Here’s where teams usually mess up - information overload on day one. Architecture diagrams, project timelines, team dynamics, coding standards… basically vomiting the entire company knowledge onto them.

Here’s what works better:

Day One: Keep it chill

One-on-one chat about the big picture (not the nitty-gritty details)
Let them actually READ the employee handbook instead of speed-running through it
Show them where the good coffee is (priorities!)

Days 2-5: The essentials only

Get their dev environment working (this always takes longer than expected)
Basic tool access - Slack, GitHub, project management chaos
ONE meaningful task that they can actually finish

That last point? Game changer. Nothing kills confidence like giving someone a “quick task” that turns into a week-long rabbit hole.

3. Week Two: This is where the magic happens

Code reviews become teaching moments

Instead of just LGTM or cryptic comments, good teams start explaining the WHY behind their patterns. Like:

“This team uses this approach because last year they had this bug that took down their API for 3 hours” - suddenly the code review isn’t just nitpicking, it’s war stories and wisdom.

Let them plan their own tasks

Smart managers start involving them in sprint planning. Not just “here’s your ticket,” but “what do you think about tackling this feature? How would you approach it?”

Watching someone go from “um, whatever you think” to actually having opinions and ideas? That’s the good stuff.

4. The celebration part (don’t skip this!)

Most places think celebrating small wins is cheesy corporate stuff. But honestly? When that new hire deploys their first feature and the team does a little demo in the meeting - seeing their face light up - that’s when you know they feel like they belong.

5. What smart teams have learned

Buddy system is ESSENTIAL - peers explain things differently than managers do
First task matters MORE than you think - make it completable but not trivial
Information spacing - drip-feed knowledge instead of fire-hosing it
Context is everything - explain WHY teams do things, not just WHAT they do

6. The two-week test

The best companies ask: “After two weeks, do new hires feel confident enough to contribute meaningfully?”

If the answer is no, they messed up the onboarding.

If the answer is yes, people probably stick around and actually enjoy working there.

It’s honestly that simple. Good onboarding isn’t rocket science - it’s just being intentional about not leaving people hanging.

P.S. - Those engineers who got terrible onboarding at first? Most of them end up thriving once companies figure out how to do it right. Sometimes it just takes admitting things could be better and actually… doing better.